Animal Sounds
(by Mickey Jones)
Blue Gallagher’s Irish Pub near Central Ave. / Monroe St.
A bar patron recounts a story of dubious veracity to our research team in Irish pub on the ground floor of the historic Hotel San Carlos.
Blue Gallagher’s Irish Pub near Central Ave. / Monroe St.
A bar patron recounts a story of dubious veracity to our research team in Irish pub on the ground floor of the historic Hotel San Carlos.
Before the Hotel San Carlos was built at Central Ave. and Monroe, Phoenix’s original schoolhouse stood at this location. In 1891 a massive flood came down from the mountains, and the Salt River swelled so much that the students and teachers in this schoolhouse had to take refuge on the second floor. The severity of the flooding was reminiscent of the recurrent disasters that caused major damage to the historical canal systems during their heyday. Some guests of the San Carlos say they have seen a ghost of a small girl crying, postulating that she is a child who died during this flood. The hotel is also said to be haunted by the ghost of a woman who committed suicide to escape her cruel lover, jumping from the highest balcony only a few months after the grand opening. On the outside, at least, the modern San Carlos is a bright, quirky relic of a different time. Its second-floor outdoor pool, which once afforded a grand view of the bustling city, now sits in the shadow of a large parking garage. Underneath the pool is an Irish pub, named for the legendary Irish feline heroine, Blue Gallagher, who set out to restore the world to balance after the tragic passing of her sister Stella at a young age. The section of Monroe St. between this pub and the Cornish-themed restaurant across the way is the location of the annual Saint Patrick’s Day block party, a humble but proud and boisterous affair that’s not to miss. This is one of dozens of Irish-themed establishments throughout the Valley – after all, it was once said that you can find an Irish pub in every country, and one of our team members actually did stumble upon an Irish pub while in the field in Puerto Peñasco. Many of these establishments around Phoenix host regular sessions, where amateurs and professionals come together to play traditional Irish instrumental music. There are even sessions every other week at the Irish Cultural Center Downtown. Though the Sonoran Desert is far removed from the Emerald Isle, the Irish community here in Phoenix maintains strong connections to its heritage and actively promotes Irish traditions and history to locals and tourists alike. During a weeknight evening colloquium in this particular pub, our team encountered one Mickey Jones. He was telling a compelling series of anecdotes to a group of his friends and, when we told him about our research, he offered to provide another one for our recordings. The audio that follows was heard outside on the street after we disbanded our colloquium.
(Some of the information in these liner notes is fictional, presented here in the attempt of satire)
(Some of the information in these liner notes is fictional, presented here in the attempt of satire)
LYRICS
Yeah, so there I was, I was on a game show, right? And, uh, it’s me and the host and the two other contestants, and it was a big coincidence - we all had the same name. We were all Lawson, right? And so it comes down to the final question, and here’s the host, he’s like:
Well, welcome, Lawson, Lawson, and Lawson. We are down to the final question here, and we’re, uh, tied up at zero. Nobody has any points yet, unfortunately, but you know, of course, here we are on the last question – if anybody gets this one right they will be today’s winner, taking home, uh, the five hundred dollars. Uh, so let’s go ahead. Lawson, it’s your turn to make a selection.
Um, I’d like “Animal Sounds to Make to Women” for five hundred, please.
Alright, that’s the only option, so of course you’ll take that one. Now, this sound is particularly effective at getting a woman in the mood, especially after you’ve just had an argument with her. Now, please remember to answer in the form of a question.
[br-dr-lr-dr-ling]
Lawson, what is your guess?
What is [cricket sounds]?
No, that is incorrect, and it is mildly disturbing.
[br-dr-lr-dr-ling]
Lawson, do you have a guess?
Yes. What is [seal sounds]?
No.
Lawson, do you have a guess?
Yeah. What is [panther growl]?
[dr-dl-dr-dl-dr-dl-dr-ling]
Congratulations, Lawson, that is actually the correct answer, believe it or not, and you are today’s winner. You’ll be taking home five hundred dollars. Now, can we hear it one more time for our viewers, but this time with a little more vigor.
Yeah, I’m happy to oblige. [Vigorous panther growl].
Well, welcome, Lawson, Lawson, and Lawson. We are down to the final question here, and we’re, uh, tied up at zero. Nobody has any points yet, unfortunately, but you know, of course, here we are on the last question – if anybody gets this one right they will be today’s winner, taking home, uh, the five hundred dollars. Uh, so let’s go ahead. Lawson, it’s your turn to make a selection.
Um, I’d like “Animal Sounds to Make to Women” for five hundred, please.
Alright, that’s the only option, so of course you’ll take that one. Now, this sound is particularly effective at getting a woman in the mood, especially after you’ve just had an argument with her. Now, please remember to answer in the form of a question.
[br-dr-lr-dr-ling]
Lawson, what is your guess?
What is [cricket sounds]?
No, that is incorrect, and it is mildly disturbing.
[br-dr-lr-dr-ling]
Lawson, do you have a guess?
Yes. What is [seal sounds]?
No.
Lawson, do you have a guess?
Yeah. What is [panther growl]?
[dr-dl-dr-dl-dr-dl-dr-ling]
Congratulations, Lawson, that is actually the correct answer, believe it or not, and you are today’s winner. You’ll be taking home five hundred dollars. Now, can we hear it one more time for our viewers, but this time with a little more vigor.
Yeah, I’m happy to oblige. [Vigorous panther growl].
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